I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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