she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
