Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
