need another drink. this is the easiest way
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
