I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's the barista slut.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
