You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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