I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
