well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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