when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
