Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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