Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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