another moral hangover. fuck.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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