I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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