that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize