plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
