So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
