Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
