I am puke
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
