my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize