i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
