It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
