Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
