I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Houston, we have a blender
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
