she smelled like a LAN party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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