The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
