I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
