i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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