If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
