Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
