your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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Do I have a choice?
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I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize