since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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