you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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