I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
