Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
