Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We left an ass print on the piano.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
