This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
