So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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