And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
