you would pick up someone in the library
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
