I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
