So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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