Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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