Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
