It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
