forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
