So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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