Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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