then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
