i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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