My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize